BREAKING: sports drive local man to the brink of insanity. No news outlet would waste their time with this story because it simply isn’t news. Every years countless of hapless individuals fill in their brackets religiously, daydreaming of a meager two-hundred dollar office pool prize. Some could probably make more than their first place prize if they spent working the amount of time they invested in making their picks. You go into March Madness every year knowing that hours of your life that you will never get back will vanish like Jay Cutler in a playoff game, but you embrace it anyway. The drama that the tournament provides will make up for your shattered brackets and then some.
And, in case you weren’t aware, the NCAA is fully aware that they have created a masterpiece. For every stat you research from a fourteen seed, another dimple appears on NCAA CEO Mark Emmert’s face. College basketball craves the spreadsheet-hounding zombies; the “Madness” is the essence of their brand. The top teams go back and forth in the rankings like tennis serves for the better part of four months. Then, in the blink of an eye, while you were probably in class or at work, one of them is gone. Speaking of fourteen seeds, you saw a prime example instantly this year in the Iowa State-UAB showdown. Iowa State spent thirty-four games building up the Death Star, culminated by toppling perennial conference powerhouse Kansas in the Big 12 Final. Suddenly, UAB flies in and shoots a laser into a six foot wide hole, and ISU’s season is over. UAB moves on, without so much as a football program to their name (cue the sale of an authentic Roddy White UAB jersey for fifty cents). (more…)